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March 15, 2012
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Flying fortresses,
dense enough to deflect light
yet insubstantial

Water drops suspended in
the high, thin air, wind sculpted.




(Originally:

Flying fortresses,
solid enough to impede light
yet made of nothing.

Water drops suspended in
the high, thin air, wind sculpted.)
:iconalecbell:
A commentary on Shall We Dance by *locoland

My commentaries are written and posted in a spirit of collaboration, and always with the consent of the image's creator.

You can see this deviation at full size here: [link]

11/2012: I realised that the haiku part of this poem contains an extra syllable in the middle line.

A reason for second visit is rarely wasted!
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:iconalmcdermid:
*almcdermid Nov 17, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
"dense enough to deflect" is surely the superior expression.
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:iconalecbell:
Thank you, Al. Hunting the right word (or phrase) is worth the effort!
Reply
:iconalmcdermid:
*almcdermid Nov 18, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
Always!
Reply
:iconlocoland:
I can't favourite it..because I already favourited it before
but it's always a pleasure to revisit your fine writing
Reply
:iconalecbell:
Thank you, Jason :nod:
Reply
:iconlancelotprice:
The new version is indeed better. :)
Reply
:iconalecbell:
Thanks, Lance
Reply
:iconmeflyingfree:
*MeFlyingFree Aug 1, 2012  Professional Artisan Crafter
Wonderful description Alec! :clap:
Reply
:iconalecbell:
Thank you, Holly :iconbowplz:
Reply
:iconmeflyingfree:
*MeFlyingFree Aug 2, 2012  Professional Artisan Crafter
My pleasure :rose:
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