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Foresight by *AlecBell:iconAlecBell:

Categories Literature > Poetry > Human Nature > Open


I have visited that moment
in imagination, that moment
of final realisation, when
I will have to face the
certainty that  there cannot
be much more left of me.

I can only imagine a
moment of lucidity, while choice
still remains to me, while I am
able still to choose. Will I be allowed
to forgo that final sequence of
personal decline, when carers
have become custodians of a
fragile body, haunted
by a guttering mind?
©2008 *AlecBell
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Submitted: May 17
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Comments: 23
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~SoothingAngel:iconSoothingAngel: May 17, 2008, 3:13:54 AM
Alec,
guess what?


In ways,
poetry...
poetry is immortality
*marzguy:iconmarzguy: May 17, 2008, 3:16:04 AM
Kind of a painful exposition.

The fear we all have but, most often, we refuse to face.

--
We’re having a poetry reading July 20th
“And The Whole World Is Invited.”
=whydoidothiseveryday:iconwhydoidothiseveryday: May 17, 2008, 5:45:51 AM
amazing, well done
x

--
I feel like a lady's handbag.
~warytransgressor:iconwarytransgressor: May 17, 2008, 9:13:55 AM
a fine piece, except for that one lyrical bit "certainty... me... lucidity" that seems incongruous here - since the rest does not follow a particular rhyming scheme. those lines just feel like they do not belong here. the word "moment" is over used - i feel - as well. a few different words that mean exactly the same thing will serve the aesthetics of this very well.
*AlecBell:iconAlecBell: May 17, 2008, 9:57:10 AM
Fallen leaves?

--
There's always a better poem just out of reach.

Words create situations

The universe is a procession with measured and beautiful motion
-Walt Whitman
*AlecBell:iconAlecBell: May 17, 2008, 9:58:09 AM
Sometimes art can help in dealing with difficult situations?

--
There's always a better poem just out of reach.

Words create situations

The universe is a procession with measured and beautiful motion
-Walt Whitman
*AlecBell:iconAlecBell: May 17, 2008, 9:58:44 AM
Thank you

--
There's always a better poem just out of reach.

Words create situations

The universe is a procession with measured and beautiful motion
-Walt Whitman
*AlecBell:iconAlecBell: May 17, 2008, 10:06:34 AM
Your criticism is instructive, thank you.

I stand by the repetitions, which amplify the rhetoric intent of the opening lines. I don't subscribe to the view that repetitions is a weakness to be avoided.

The poem doesn't strive for aesthetic effect. The sequence of rhyme is not lyrical in effect, I think. The intention, given the bleakness of the subject matter, was to leave the verse unfinished from the aesthetic point of view.

--
There's always a better poem just out of reach.

Words create situations

The universe is a procession with measured and beautiful motion
-Walt Whitman
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