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literature
Gazing
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Literature Text
We're practiced players of this game. Our earliest explorations were of the silvered mirrors in the mundane world. Gazing at that other face we savoured our first taste of virtuality, that non-image that confronted us from that other world where right has been left behind, where polarities are reversed. Our fierce concentration brought us at last to a strange revelation. As our assumptions melted in the heat of that reciprocating gaze, we realised that we could see like artists, nakedly.
We stare into each others' eyes, attention fixed on the tiny reflections that hover in the dark opacity of dilated pupils. We are locked in our mutual intensity.
Beyond sight, we feel
the deep emptiness we share,
our kinetic night.
We stare into each others' eyes, attention fixed on the tiny reflections that hover in the dark opacity of dilated pupils. We are locked in our mutual intensity.
Beyond sight, we feel
the deep emptiness we share,
our kinetic night.
Comments37
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Overall Vision Originality Technique ImpactOh, Alec! This is really quite wonderful.
I love that the opening line has the potential to lead-in to so many different interpretations. I think that this poem really has what it needs to become a very personal experience for the reader, and you put it together beautifully. There is a sticky point or two-"By fierce concentration at last experienced..." does not appear to be a complete sentence. It has no subject. The following line is excellent.
I'm not sure how well I think the haiku fits the prose section. It provides an interesting turn from the prose, however. It seems a bit threadbare-I wonder if you couldn't replace a word or two to richer effect. It's a bit cold after the heat of the prose.
All in all, I think it's good! I really like it, and think it's a well-executed haibun.