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His fingers, skinny tendrils,
sentient in the dark, entwine
his lover’s fleshy trunk,
endowing another body
with fresh intensities of sensation.

These blossoms of the night
are shrouded in the black
cloak of sightlessness.

The moon turns her
dark side on their sensuous world,
while the lovers skinny dip
in bottomless amniotic pools.
©2009 =AlecBell
:iconalecbell:

Author's Comments

A response to prompt 15 on the list of 31 prompts compiled by :iconmiss-deathwish:

The prompt: skinny

Critiques


:iconleoraigarath:
There’s a constant feel of twisting and twirling to this poem, the words bind the reader, slowly wrapping and tightening over the heart and lungs, crushing and soaking the emotions out.

Every word is precise and deliberate, contributing to the overall imagery and somewhat dark romanticism, quenching the tongue and lips with rich language and fat descriptions. This poem is definitely opulent.

One of the highest qualities of it is the mutual nurturing words, the way each word complements the other. For example - intensities of sensation, which wouldn’t feel the same without the word fresh. Or the wonderful bottomless amniotic pools. This poem is filled with little amazing couples, phrases, enchantments.

This poem made me feel.
The Artist thought this was FAIR
4 out of 4 deviants thought this was fair.

Thank you for your Critique

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Comments


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:iconhuskyhusky2:
This is very calming. I don't understand it, but I think I can sleep now. :sleep:

--
WARNING
Big SilverSun PickUps fan~
Writer!
Bookworm!!
Weirdo
Uses :meow: too much
Textaholic
Major Chess player
Short Tempered
Doodles in class
Smart Aleck (most of the time)
Perfectionest
Hates her her art
=
Emmi.
So hi. :meow:
:iconalecbell:
I'm pleased to have helped. :heart:

(Music doesn't always need to be understood. That's true for word music too.)

--
There's always a better poem just out of reach.

Words create situations [link]

The roots of the future run deep [link]
:iconottersandsky:
This is the best thing I have read today.

His fingers, skinny tendrils,
sentient in the dark,


This image is beautiful, I like the organic nature implied by "tendrils" and the use of the word "sentient."

entwine
his lover’s fleshy trunk,
endowing another body
with fresh intensities of sensation.


I especially enjoy the idea of "endowing another body". It becomes more of a gift. It's fresh and unique language.

The moon turns her
dark side on their sensuous world,
while the lovers skinny dip
in bottomless amniotic pools.


I love this. The sense of excitement, thrill, vulnerability (implied by the nakedness) comes across clearly, but also a darkness represented by the moon turning "her dark side on their sensuous world," - it feels like their world has become private or insular, and due to the "amniotic pools" reference somehow spiritual and surreal.
:iconalecbell:
Thank you for spending so much time and thought on my poem, and for empathising with its its spirit.

I am very touched. :heart:

--
There's always a better poem just out of reach.

Words create situations [link]

The roots of the future run deep [link]
:iconottersandsky:
It's really my pleasure. I think you're a great poet.
:iconyouinventedme:
His fingers, skinny tendrils,
sentient in the dark, entwine
his lover’s fleshy trunk


splendid

--
one half of ~ZombiesAteUs
:iconpraytell:
after reading the previous comments, i cant give my opinion without being repetitive . . .but this is great!
:iconalecbell:
:blushes:

--
There's always a better poem just out of reach.

Words create situations [link]

The roots of the future run deep [link]
:iconalecbell:
Thank you, Chris, very much. :heart:

--
There's always a better poem just out of reach.

Words create situations [link]

The roots of the future run deep [link]

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May 25
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