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Time by =AlecBell:iconAlecBell:

Categories Literature > Poetry > General Poetry > Open




Time ebbs, leaving the past behind,
as the falling tide leaves an empty beach.
Only our crumbling relics remain,
those moments, now sea-changed, when hope
and intention might have coalesced.

Or should I change
the metaphor? Time is a ravening demon,
it swallows all in its indifferently rapacious
maw. It leaves no trace
of images and dreams once close encased
  in the brittle, discarded skull.

Time has fullness, when its harvests
are ripe, yet always plenty decays,
the mighty sun gutters, all that
remains is endless night.
©2009 =AlecBell
:iconalecbell:

Author's Comments

This is Time, prompt 30 from the list of 31 prompts compiled by :iconmiss-deathwish:


I have belatedly added a preview image by one of my favourite fractal artists, =NinthTaboo

You can see his full size image here: [link]

Daily Deviation

Given 2009-11-02

Time is as our suggester notes, has a 'theme that has been assiduously explored by numerous poets. The first line is strongly reminiscent of Tennyson's 'A Farewell', while 'crumbling relics' hearkens to Shelley's 'Ozymandias'. But the theme's relative unoriginality is more than compensated for by the utter freshness of this poem's metaphors and imagery. The juxtaposition of fertility and decay, light and darkness, in the last stanza cannot but confirm that this is deep, elegant poetry par excellence.' =AlecBell captures all of that and more. (Suggested by *Leurindal and Featured by ^LadyLincoln)

Critiques


:iconstephethxloser:
*StephethxLoser Sep 28, 2009, 3:30:00 PM
The negative air of the poem seemed to grow with each
passing stanza. If that was the effect you were attempting to
create I applaud you. The imagery as well, especially in the first
stanza, was pretty magnificent.

You did well to compare time with the sea and the ebbing tide.
It really stuck with me. In the second stanza we get a less than
calm view of time, this time it's really a more morbid depiction.
I am still undecided as to which I like better. Both descriptions
are good in their own way.

In this poem, I sense resentment for that intangible time. I
suppose everyone comes to resent time at one time or
another, so it is a poem that most can relate to--however
subconsciously that might be. All in all, a wonderfully written
poem.
The Artist thought this was FAIR
16 out of 17 deviants thought this was fair.
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Comments


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:iconthetaoofchaos:
*thetaoofchaos Sep 14, 2009, 6:50:56 AM
a dark reflection of this endless subject. time as defined by the material world, does seem a demon and the falling tide.


i'm hypnotized by a couple of your images:

"indifferently rapacious maw"

- i'm facsinated how you envision something being both indifferent and rapacious.

"dreams once close encased in the brittle, discarded skull."

- this made me think of "alas poor yorick! i knew him well"

:heart:

--
The world is an eraser for these words


- Jack Kerouac


we must destroy that which contains us
:iconalecbell:
=AlecBell Sep 14, 2009, 10:28:31 AM
Possibly English culture is more comfortable with the material. We even tried to export it to India!!

Except perhaps for Blake and Manley Hopkins, our poets have preferred the physical realm, even such religious poets as Milton and Donne (when he was Dean of St Pauls).

Indifferently rapacious is an oxymoron, I suppose. The sense I was aiming at was indiscriminate, but it was too clumsy a word.

That is such a macabre scene!!

--
There's always a better poem just out of reach.

Words create situations [link]

The roots of the future run deep [link]
:iconamberous:
~Amberous Sep 14, 2009, 11:38:23 AM
of images and dreams once close encased
in the brittle, discarded skull.

Such a strong image.

--
Time for Change
:iconall-my-darkness:
~All-My-Darkness Sep 14, 2009, 11:50:19 AM
Time is a ravening demon.

It certainly is. A thief that does not have the decency to stay in the night.

--
I am a gunfight in a mirror factory
:iconalecbell:
=AlecBell Sep 14, 2009, 4:20:44 PM
Or possibly brings it with him?

Thanks very much.

--
There's always a better poem just out of reach.

Words create situations [link]

The roots of the future run deep [link]
:iconall-my-darkness:
~All-My-Darkness Sep 14, 2009, 4:22:55 PM
Nah, he leaves the light on so you can see the cracks.

Git.

--
I am a gunfight in a mirror factory
:iconalecbell:
=AlecBell Sep 14, 2009, 4:24:54 PM
Many thanks :heart:

--
There's always a better poem just out of reach.

Words create situations [link]

The roots of the future run deep [link]
:iconalecbell:
=AlecBell Sep 14, 2009, 4:27:13 PM
:D :D

--
There's always a better poem just out of reach.

Words create situations [link]

The roots of the future run deep [link]
:iconcyranosdemet:
*cyranosdemet Sep 15, 2009, 8:23:16 AM
to quote a master, good ole rhymin paul simon.... "time time time, look what's become of me..." or perhaps change the angle of approach, and argue that if e=mc^2 is an accurate description of matter then God is proven, since it contains a term in units of time, and time no more than the perception of change noticed... oh well.

--
Stay sane... starve a shrink
:iconalecbell:
=AlecBell Sep 15, 2009, 12:31:51 PM
You're right, I imagine, that all time is ultimately experiential, yet for the community it has always an intersubjective aspect.

Most members of the community get by with some synthesis of the two, acknowledging that there is a limit to time's negotiability.

--
There's always a better poem just out of reach.

Words create situations [link]

The roots of the future run deep [link]
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